& log 004

Dec. 23rd, 2009 11:52 am
igotsdakka: (きみが好きだよまだ愛しいよ)
[personal profile] igotsdakka
Characters: Meria, Fia (and the demon)
Setting: Meria's dorm room.
Content: Meria and the demon, on their first and only date, decide to cut to the chase and make with the sexy business. LET'S SEE HOW FAR THEY GET BEFORE FIA CRIES UNCLE?
Warnings: Girls (or a girl and a guy in a girl's body) fooling around. Depending on what happens, this is probably going to end up not quite worksafe?

Her room wasn't all that much to look at, really. It was where she threw her things, and where she slept; it only really had what she needed in it. At least she'd bothered to pick the clothes up off the floor so that the place wasn't overly sloppy. She doubted the demon would care what things looked like, but it would only bother Fia more if the place were a pigsty, and they were nudging her out of her comfort zone with this already.

Without ceremony, Meria sat down on the edge of her bed and crossed her legs, smiling and arching one eyebrow. She wanted, wanted, wanted to have and be had, but what she was going to get would be out of her control. All of this was happening on stolen time, so she needed to be grateful.

(She had to remind herself of this again, because the walk here had made her tense with want, and whatever the hell was going to happen, she was already so goddamn hot for it.)

Date: 2009-12-23 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"Are you afraid?" he asked Fia, in the (generally) private space that was her mind.

The demon sighed and shook his head. No response. He would have wanted to tell her, "Sooner, rather than later," but perhaps it was better if she was left alone for now. He knocked on the door, and when he realized it was open let himself in, and looked at Meria on the bed.

"Well, hello there," he said dryly. "Looks like you've been good and patient so far."

Date: 2009-12-23 06:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
"Depends on how you define either," she retorted idly.

Meria was rather curious as to what was going on in that head of theirs--if Fia had barricaded herself into her own private corner again, or if they were arguing. She wondered sometimes what it had to be like, not even having your own mind to yourself. They probably both found it annoying sometimes.

She kind of wanted to say something along the lines of don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you to Fia, but she'd already given her word last time that she wasn't going to act like Fia was even here.

Date: 2009-12-23 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
He sat down on the bed next to her and smiled. "Well, you could sit here and wait for me. I suppose that counts for something." He drummed his fingers on the bed, completely patiently. "Or is all that sitting around and smiling just a pretense?"

Date: 2009-12-23 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
"It's the anticipation," she told him. "You learn to savor it when you want someone so much it makes you half-crazy."

It was a bit selfish of her, really--she had no idea how much he felt in Fia's body, and even if they experienced everything exactly the same, there wouldn't be much she could do to relieve him (she'd promised). This was really just her demanding for him to make her feel good.

She'd take care of him equally if things were different, but it was far past time to stop thinking about the ifs.

"I've got something to tell you when we're done here, too."

Date: 2009-12-23 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"'When we're done', huh...?" He cocked his head a little at the wording of that. It sounded strange, because he had left quite a lot unsaid to her, too. But he had never been certain of how she would take it--being reminded that in the end he was only a floating ball of dark energy, and he could only borrow bodies, never possessing one of his own.

Then he leaned back a little and stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I don't really want to leave." He shook his head and looked back at her. "Well, let's forget about all of that for now."

Date: 2009-12-23 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
Meria shook her head at him and reached out to touch his--Fia's--cheek, a very soft gesture. "I don't want you to go either, but I don't think there's anything we can do for it now. A lot of things got put in motion that... can't be stopped anymore."

The words she'd decided she was going to say after all were burning at her, but she'd already told him she was saving them for later, and she wanted him to hear it afterward, so it couldn't be mistaken for passion.

"So, yeah. Let's forget about it."

Date: 2009-12-23 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
He smiled, and then leaned in to close the distance between them and kissed her; one hand was already holding onto her shoulder, but the other was supporting his weight on the bed. In as uncomfortable a position as he was, he would probably have to move in closer.

Date: 2009-12-23 07:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
Meria closed the distance for him, the hand that had rested on his cheek now atop his shoulder instead. Their bodies were scant inches apart, but while ordinarily she'd already be reaching for clothing to discard, she kept her free hand to herself. It wasn't for her to set the pace here.

Date: 2009-12-23 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"Will I end up doing something you'll regret?"

"For gods' sakes, I don't know anymore. I don't even know what to feel anymore; I don't know what I'm doing. Just do it and we'll see what happens."


His other hand trailed to the collar of her blouse and started running over her collarbone--

"Can I do this? What about this?"

"I don't know! Stop asking!"


He pressed down on her shoulder and kissed her more roughly, the mental conversation...being combative, as usual.

Date: 2009-12-23 07:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
Meria made an appreciative noise into the kiss, although she would wait until he teased her before she moved to take off any of their clothes. This was about her being done to, not doing. (She reminded herself, again.) Whatever was going on in there, though, at least they weren't getting interrupted.

Date: 2009-12-23 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"I'm just asking if I'm going to do something you won't like."

"What do I like? Honestly, what do I like?"

"If you let me do this, though..."
His free hand found where her blouse ended, and started snaking up it, feeling the fabric of her dress underneath. "You know, this isn't about being tolerant anymore; we might actually..."

"Where do I stop you? What I do even..." Fia groaned. "Maybe I do want it. That's why I'm letting you do this, right? That has to be why. But..." But at the same time, she didn't. But she was just so confused right now, she couldn't even decide.

Date: 2009-12-23 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
He seemed distracted; were they arguing? Meria couldn't possibly object to where his hands were going, but it was a little annoying that his mind was elsewhere at a time like this.

Date: 2009-12-24 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
Fia's demon was feeling immensely pressured--not only was he trying to make Fia realize quite the extent of her jealousy, he was also attempting to pacify her up until this was all over. Sure, she could tell them to stop at anytime, albeit she was still concerned about Meria's well-being to the extent that she'd let him do practically anything and ruin herself in the process.

"You're jealous, you want her, and you just don't realize it because you're blinded by your own self-martyrdom," he offered, and when he received no response turned his attention back to Meria.

His hand slipped up her spine, though her blouse caught on the knit sleeve of his sweater, and it was only now that he realized he still had it on. He took his other hand, settled it on her thigh, and broke the kiss for air. "Sorry about that," he breathed guiltily.

Date: 2009-12-24 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
"You don't really have to apologize," Meria replied a little breathlessly, and shrugged out of the blouse on her own, letting it fall to the floor.

No matter where this goes, it's only really gonna make Fia hate me more. She didn't exactly want that, but damn it, if she was going to break her heart over this idiot she was trying to make out with, they needed to make it worth it all the same.

"We okay?" she asked. Meaning Fia by 'we', of course.

Date: 2009-12-24 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"If I admitted that..." it hurt to think about it, but it was probably all true, "I wouldn't be able to accept any of this."

"Well... You like him, don't you?" Fia averted her eyes, and her hands slipped from Meria to grip her own knees. She started swinging her legs, kicking her feet against the bed. "I don't--really approve of it--but you already guessed that, I think...but I like you, so... I guess I was thinking to myself, 'I'm doing this for you,' but I need to take care of myself, too, and..." Fia cracked a smile; this was embarrassing, and it hurt, and it hurt a lot. "But I like you, and now I'm wondering how much of this I can take before I end up doing something stupid, or hurting you, or something."

And all of a sudden she wanted to disappear really, really badly.

Date: 2009-12-24 12:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
You what?

There was blank confusion at Fia's words, and after that a surprisingly powerful urge to cry from frustration, because she was never never never going to be able to be with him, was she?

"Even taking liking out of it--" Meria said at last, shaking her head, locking her muscles so that Fia wouldn't see her tension. "If you really don't want this, don't force yourself. I've already promised not to hurt you--not to touch you--but if you don't want this, I don't want it happening against your will. I can deal with not having sex with him," she lied. "I don't want to trample your wants and needs in the process." And that second part wasn't a lie in the least.

Date: 2009-12-24 01:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"But..." She was so confused right now she had no idea why Meria wasn't just...forgetting about her and leaving her a wreck and dealing with her later. "You want to be with him, don't you? It's the last time you can be with him... Don't you want that?"

Even if she said something as blatant as, "I'm jealous," or "I want you," she doubted it would make things any simpler for either of them. All she really wanted to do right now was get up and leave, but she sat and stayed.

Date: 2009-12-24 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
"I do. I--of course I do. I want him so much it's ripping me apart, I want--at least this much. This hurts and I can't fucking breathe." I love him, I can't do anything else. "But I am not a rapist, and that body's not his. It's yours. I'm never doing something like that to anyone. No matter the reason."

Meria couldn't keep looking at her--him--them, so she flopped back onto the mattress and covered her eyes with her forearm.

"You don't want this to happen--at least you don't want this to happen if the one I want isn't you--and it doesn't have to happen. It doesn't. All right? From the start, this has been--me wanting things I could never have anyway."

Date: 2009-12-24 01:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"But..." But you have to. Isn't he giving you exactly what you need right now? Isn't this exactly what you want? "But all this time you've had to deny yourself the things you want because of me. I mean...maybe it'll hurt, but it was my fault in the first place... I shouldn't have let you do this if I hadn't realized what I was getting myself into. I don't want to give up on you; I was the one who decided you could do this. And I don't want to betray my word."

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. She was spouting as much nonsense as Meria was; they were practical idiots. But she couldn't think of anything else to say.

Date: 2009-12-24 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
Meria rolled onto her side, despondent. "You shouldn't throw yourself into this when he's the one I want, not you. It'd be a different story if you were okay with the idea, but you're not, and damn it, I'm not going to do that to you. I can't do that to a friend."

She wouldn't even be able to tell him now. She'd been so fucking stupid to jump into this in the first place. This had been so much easier to deal with when it was just her and her emotions and a clock ticking down the minutes to a clean separation and only Fia's propriety standing in the way. Meria stared at the blank wall apathetically. It was getting to be so damn hard to keep her promise to Ledah--to just keep living, melodramatic as that probably sounded.

Date: 2009-12-24 02:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"I suppose we forgot who's actually in control of whether you get to talk to me or not. I'm sorry if you don't want to see me, but it seems like you may be stuck with me for a while longer."

Fia's demon slid back onto the bed and leaned against Meria's back, digging his elbows into her arms and stretching out across the rest of the bed.

"I can wait."

Date: 2009-12-24 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
They couldn't rip her apart any better if they had a knife. Meria looked over her shoulder at him, sighed, and shifted to lie on her back.

"Hey," she said, with a weak attempt at sounding jaunty. "This whole situation really sucks."

Date: 2009-12-24 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"'Lo there." He turned around, leaned over, placed a hand on the back of her head, and tilted it upward so she was facing him more directly. "I'll agree; it was never quite simple in the first place." He brushed some of the hair out of her face. "But it's still kind of odd to think about. I never thought I'd have the chance to be in a relationship with anyone, considering who and what I am."

Date: 2009-12-24 03:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] igotsdakka.livejournal.com
She let him play with her hair and offered a lopsided smile. "Relationships don't make sense at all. What you are never matters, even if you think it should. Isn't it fun?"

Meria weighed her options, and decided why the hell not. Nothing was going to go remotely as planned today anyhow. "Anyway, wanna know a secret?"

Date: 2009-12-24 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] healingtouche.livejournal.com
"Well, that's a nice way to think about it." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her face in his hands. Then he smiled. "I enjoy being privy to a secret every once in a while, yes."

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Meria needs to get laid amirite

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sex for her sanity /o/

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haha, not a problem at all

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these things usually do

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idk, probably not.

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